"bump" My Young Justice,

Once there was a new kid named Ben who was a little different.
and Ben loved to write stories , & watch anime.
And Ben was in class working on his latest story until,
Ben got caught by two bullies the bullies names was Specks, & Trapper.
Well, well, well, Look here Trapper said Specks ,
We got a little shrimp who likes to write stories,
"And that’s when Ben shouted at the bullies “Hey give me my stories back!”
"Oh Specks we got the little baby’s stories Trapper,
“Shall we give the little brat back his stories or not huh Trapper?”
Specks asked his friend Trapper and that’s when Trapper said… "Now Specks by all means let’s give the brat back his stories then Specks, and the next thing Ben knew was that Specks & Trapper has dumped Ben’s stories in the trash next to him, "
"And that’s when Ben ran home crying,
Meanwhile… at the young justice hideout, Wally West a.k.a . Kid Flash was watching the mission monitors,
when they got a call saying that a young boy named Ben who moved to Central City,
was getting picked on by two bullies named Specks & Trapper,
"That’s when Garfield and Kid Flash both told Robbin “We’ll take that mission ,
And Damien said… “Are you sure you want to do this mission huh?”
That’s when Garfield said… Damien we have no other choice but to help the new kid.
" I know what’s like to being picked on cause your’e different from everyone else,
" And that’s Ms Martian said… " Hold it Gar, I’m coming with you. said Ms Martian,”
That’s when Ben was at home with his door locked crying his eyes out.
"When out of the blue He heard a loud crash out of his window.
"That’s when Ben ran outside to see what that loud crash was,

1 Like

“Bump”
hey I rewrote it now

Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!

Ok, no backup.

So, when writing fiction like this, your story should be formatted into paragraphs, and nobody seems to have told you that paragraphs even exist. So, look up paragraphs, and study the concept a little.

After that, look at both versions of your story, and ask yourself, which bits do I like better? Don’t think about it. Just trust your instincts. And, clapping motion, you just did something that most wannabe writer’s can’t won’t do. You did a proper rewrite.

“Bump” You didn’t like it

I didn’t say that.

Your story sense seems pretty good-- what I’m saying is that if you want other people to read it and come back for more, you need to learn some sentence and paragraph structure. As luck would have it, there are two guys right here in Fan Creations who’s stuff you can look at and get a better idea of how to fix that.

First is Vroom-- his Lobo stories are quickly written, but offer a real sense of both storytelling and structure. And maybe you can learn something from him if you ask good questions about HIS stuff. He’s also more fun. Then, there’s HubCityQuestion-- this gent has the best sentence and paragraph structure going. You can learn better writing skills just by absorbing the way he writes, and then applying it to the way you want to write.

None of this is easy to do.

And I used three paragraphs. Four, counting this one.

" bump" can you help me out please?

What I already suggested will help you. I’m on the threads here if needed.

“bump” how shall I rewrite my story again huh?

OK, try this. After you study some of the suggested, and better than average fan writing on this site, rewrite your first paragraph,

Once there was a new kid named Ben who was a little different.
and Ben loved to write stories , & watch anime.
And Ben was in class working on his latest story until,
Ben got caught by two bullies the bullies names was Specks, & Trapper.
Well, well, well, Look here Trapper said Specks ,
We got a little shrimp who likes to write stories,
"And that’s when Ben shouted at the bullies “Hey give me my stories back!”
"Oh Specks we got the little baby’s stories Trapper,
“Shall we give the little brat back his stories or not huh Trapper?”
Specks asked his friend Trapper and that’s when Trapper said… "Now Specks by all means let’s give the brat back his stories then Specks, and the next thing Ben knew was that Specks & Trapper has dumped Ben’s stories in the trash next to him, "
"And that’s when Ben ran home crying,

–into a real paragraph, and practice your punctuation. Add the teacher back in, at least for now, and make sure your readers and well-informed about any location changes you make in your story.

*are well-informed

“bump” Rewrite it how?

Don’t bomb me please…but here is some constructive criticism. The story needs to have beginning middle and an ending too. The characters need to have more than 1 personality to them, otherwise they fall into stereotypes. Paragraphs and good and Grammar are Crucial as well. Do you understand what it means to write another version of the same story only better paying attention to everything mentioned here?

@Adoptedbatpuppy can you help me