Thank you all for your reception on this article! I’m so happy to see you all running with this ball. Please, keep those reviews coming, and letting us know which boss is right for you.
As a special treat, here are a couple reviews that were cut from the final edition:
CALCULATOR [3.5 stars]
Do you love gathering dirt, but hate getting your hands dirty? You want a boss with a head on his shoulders, but less of a stickler than Clock King and less insulting than the Riddler? Then you can count on Calculator.
- There’s a lot more recon than ‘hands on’ work. It’s about the safest gig you can get in this town
- Batman mostly stays out of it
- Getting punched in the face by the Birds of Prey isn’t much better than getting punched in the face by the Batman.
- The boss keeps delegating job planning to a machine learning AI and sometimes it gets kinda weird
Great for: The squeamish criminal, and those who’ve always secretly wanted to let a computer run their life.
Avoid if: you don’t want Huntress shoving a bolt where the sun don’t shine. Ouch.
VENTRILOQUIST [3 stars]
Okay. So you’re looking for a more classic operation, but Falcone’s too Italian and Clock King’s too much of a hardass. What’s a hench to do? Well, don’t go shopping around the smaller gangs just yet, because if you’re willing to put up with just one (1) nonsense, there’s a solid gig waiting for you with the Ventriloquist.
- Scarface might not be the biggest game or greatest mastermind in town, but it’s still steady work with solid pay.
- Everyone’s gotta dress like 40’s gangsters, and it’s actually kinda great.
- Generally a pretty normal operation, with one exception:
Great for: Dependable workers looking for a dependable boss, Prohibition era cosplay enthusiasts.
Avoid if: You’re not entirely sure if Scarface really is possessed or if Wesker is just nuts, but either way, that doll creeps you out.
(And yes, @TravisMorgan: I’ll exclusively admit here to basically every pitch I write being at least partially inspired by The Venture Bros.)