The Search for the Sexiest Man in the DC Universe: Week 2-Alternative Hunks

It’s Valentine’s Season, folks, and DCU’s annual competition to find the sexiest available man in the DC Universe is already well underway. Last week, I missed the chance to do this, but fear not, Amber Butane is here. I have noticed a first-pick bias in the options, so I plan to give you the chance to chose some of the more obscure, less cringey Hunks!
Now that we’re in our second week, it’s time to part the veil on our middleweight category: those not-too-soft, not-too-hard eligible bachelors the Goldilockses amongst you will appreciate most. Let’s bring out the Alternative Hunks

Oswald Cobblepot
image Art by @phinox1981.46148, Idea by @Aylex
Need a man who has got some deep pockets? The Penguin’s got 'em deeper than Wayne. The most eligible mob boss in Gotham, Oswald is looking for a handle to his umbrella!
Pros:

  1. Rich. Like, really rich.
  2. Has friends in high places.

Cons:

  1. Criminal, so get chased by Batman
  2. Really gets annoyed when called a Penguin (dude, that’s your gimmick)
  3. Former mayor, but not in a good way

Possible Bonus/Red **Flags:

  1. Short
  2. Not an actual Penguin

Swamp Thing
image
Looking for someone who has life in the forefront of his mind? Swamp Thing is your man! This plant-based hotty is the coolest environmentalist in town!

Pros:

  1. Environmentally conscious
  2. Life is precious to him, especially yours
  3. Has a stable job, and a secure future

Cons:

  1. Is tasked with protecting plants. Not humans, so you might come second
  2. He is the Avatar of the Green and might get whisked away by the Parliament of Trees
  3. Is rather awkward, and not good with people.

Potential Bonus/Red Flags

  1. Is not an actual human. Seriously, he is a corpse inside a plant body.
  2. He may or may not be able to, you know, have kids, cause he is a plant.

Ares
image
Looking for a heavenly time? Well, maybe you can settle for Olympus! Ares is a god when it comes to relationships, and he will fight for you!

Pros:

  1. He is literally a God.
  2. He is really fit
  3. Stable job and a purpose in life

Cons

  1. God of War, so will probably fight with you, a lot
  2. Bit of a misogynist.
  3. Convinced humanity is evil, and therefore must die

Potential Bonus/Red Flags

  1. Is really old.
  2. A god, and gods are known for unfaithfulness cough-Zeus-cough

Weather Wizard

Want a man who makes you feel electric? Missing that rogue quality of a bad boy? Say high to Mark Mardon, the Weather Wizard!

Pros:

  1. Has Rogues on Speed Dial
  2. Has a cool wand
  3. Has a deal with Flash, so not super likely to get arrested

Cons

  1. Criminal Record
  2. Around Flash, so greater chance of being erased from reality if Barry screws up the timeline
  3. Killed his brother

Potential Bonus/Red Flags

  1. Doesn’t like observatories
  2. Has a child with another person
  • Oswald Cobblepot
  • Swamp Thing
  • Ares
  • Weather Wizard
  • Other

0 voters

Tell us who you vote for this week in the comments below!

I’m concerned about anyone who might vote for Swamp Thing.

3 Likes

Swamp Thing is part of the next bracket!

2 Likes

Ares can’t be that bad and if you do have Any problems. Just call kratos

1 Like

But he is just so awesome that he is both a Daddy and a Hunk!!!

1 Like

Well, you can take that up with @rmazor.15119. Besides, you didn’t vote at all, so I am more concerned about you.

1 Like

I did. He said “how the !@#$ did you get in here?”

1 Like