The Truth About Darkseid

I have in my possession explosive information that proves Darkseid and his supposed prowess and formidability is a media fabrication.

I’m doing this anonymously, so don’t look at my name. If you already did, throw your phone into the ocean.

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DARKSEID IS… adorable.

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File 1: Darkseid can’t teleport. He doesn’t even have a working Motherbox. He drives an old secondhand VAN on which he had his name and picture AIRBRUSHED like a HIPPIE. (One source tells me he lives in it, down by the river.)

#TheTruthAboutDarkseid #Dorkside

hot-wheels-dream-van-xgw.jpg

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As for his vaunted fighting prowess? He’s a clumsy oaf who struggles, and fails, with minor inclines.

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His immense physical ability and strength? Witness this undoctored photo of his grotesquely awkward physical proportions. He has the legs of a tween, yet his head is immense, like an orange on a toothpick. No wonder he falls down so easily!

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And lastly, for now, is this. The image speaks for itself. I hope you’ll use this information responsibly and vote for the Flash in Meta Madhouse.

  • Mystery Person (?)

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DeSade-acolyte gonna be very angry to read this lol

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Yea, all this evidence checks out. Unfortunately I’ve already voted for Darkseid…

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So the truth finally comes out. Thank you, anonymous researcher. If Darkseid ever somehow finds out your identity, you’re welcome to crash at my apartment for a weekend.

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@Gibbyhertz

Far from made. Glad actually…cuz I can smell his stench of fear. :smiling_imp:

Or to paraphrase the Bard of Stratford upon Avon
The biff_pow does protest to much, me thinks.

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Here’s Darkseid eating his favorite food, watermelon Gogurt. (He chews it because he’s so scared of choking.)

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That is awesome

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“I am the fluffy kitten force at the center of all things! When you cry out in your dreams, it startles me, so I’d prefer if you didn’t do that.”

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I don’t know where else to say this, biff_pow, but I just want to say you are consistently the funniest person on the boards. Giffen would love you.

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Suspending impenetrable anonymity to say that’s very generous and surprising, @HubCityQuestion, thank you!

Resuming untraceable invisibility to report that Darkseid got rolled by two random guys in an alley once. It’s sad, really.

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I know Darkseid already lost Meta Madhouse to a trapeze artist with 2 sticks, but I can’t just turn this talent to find and expose the truth on and off! Here I humbly present newfound evidence explaining why Darkseid sobs the words “Putt-Putt” during his night terrors.

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This is the best thread on this forum.

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Possibly

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The websites that pushed the Darkseid fake news also appear in the Mueller Report, coincidence?

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Didn’t think they could top live action Thanos but this is it /s

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